i won't go on and on and perhaps this won't come out all edited and well articulated, but here goes.
so the boyfriend and i started reading Ecclesiastes last week. we only read the 1st chapter. i'll paraphrase here so you'll have to go look it up later and read it on your own.
verse 2 -meaningless, meaningless. utterly meaningless. everything is meaningless.-
sara's edition adds: "unless it is from God."
this verse rang throughout my brain and heart every day since we read it, causing me to examine my life.
what is meaningless?
what do i desire,
long for,
chase after,
that is not of God,
and therefore,
meaningless?
i try to live a pretty simple, non-materialistic life, so i'm not gonna lie... i patted myself on the back a little, but also grateful that first of all, i have Jesus and second of all, that he makes himself and his ways available to me known through prayer and the bible. He lead me to my job: to help homeless people - not meaningless. He gave me the skills and desire to lead my special choir: love them! - not meaningless. my relationships with others: i try to be encouraging and point others to Jesus - not meaningless. i feel blessed to be able to do what i like, what i'm good at, AND find meaning in it. i'm not saying i live this perfect, harmonious life that is perfectly in tune with God's will 100% of the time.
most of what i do,
when done in my own strength,
is exhausting.
i told krispy today that if what i do is indeed not meaningless, and truly of God, then he obviously has a secret supply of energy that he gives me to do his work.
so i serve as a volunteer guardian for 2 women with developmental disabilities. both very different, both have very unique needs. i spent a little bit of time with each woman over the past few days and realized that
i'm
all
these
women
have.
not being conceited, but without me as their guardian, both would be on a waiting list for the state-agency that is guardian for those that have
no family,
willing or suitable,
to serve as guardian - and though the great people that work there have huge caseloads and want to do good for their people - its their job and there's only so much they can do.
this little "volunteer thing" i do,
to make decisions on their behalf,
to oversee their care,
to ensure that their money is being spent in the most appropriate ways,
to advocate for them to have the best quality of life possible,
and on and on,
though they will never know or understand,
is certainly
not meaningless,
to them.
today i met for the first time and i fell in love with the one woman.
she's in a wheelchair,
her body is contorted,
she doesn't speak,
her clothes were quite dated,
she bangs her head,
she has a feeding tube,
probably wears a diaper,
she has some disorder that causes boil-looking growths on her face and her brain,
she can't even hold eye contact for more than about 3 seconds,
but
she has the sweetest,
heart melting smile ever! -
and she depends on me to speak on her behalf.
this little volunteer thing i do just got a little more serious.
especially when i escorted the day program director in to view her 2 staff people conversing and paying no attention to the 15 people in wheelchairs parked around a TV. just because my ward can't talk or walk doesn't mean she's less of a person or she shouldn't be paid attention to or invested in. yes, we all say "ya, she's no less of a person! of course!"
but she literally has
no one to speak for her.
n o b o d y
cares for this woman.
her own father lives in another state and doesn't see her.
today, i saw her like Jesus sees me and my heart skipped a beat.
i felt helpless,
but empowered.
i love her like Jesus loves me (and you).
i can't sit back and be ok with the status quo for my wards.
Jesus doesn't give up on us when we let the boils of anger, stubbornness pride, lust, drunkenness or selfishness grow over our hearts.
i would have had no one to speak on my behalf, if it hadn't been for Jesus.
to Him alone,
my life is owed.
sandy bowers, call me again when someone else needs a guardian.
there is always room for 1 more, [at the cross].
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, December 3, 2010
just a thought
i'm so grateful for my friends jon and kari stanke.
jon has such a passion for God and knowing Him, through His word. jon knows that he's helpless without God. i like this. kari is such wise woman of God, always staying close to Him for guidance and trusting in his promises. kari also knows that jon is helpless without God. i like that, too.
these friends of mine are actively learning how to love each other in marriage... but only because they seek to know God first, know His love, then attempt (with God's help) to love each other the best way they know how.
i pray that God continues to teach me how to love, too.
jon has such a passion for God and knowing Him, through His word. jon knows that he's helpless without God. i like this. kari is such wise woman of God, always staying close to Him for guidance and trusting in his promises. kari also knows that jon is helpless without God. i like that, too.
these friends of mine are actively learning how to love each other in marriage... but only because they seek to know God first, know His love, then attempt (with God's help) to love each other the best way they know how.
i pray that God continues to teach me how to love, too.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
faith
ok, so going from blogging once every few months to once a week didn't happen quite the way i had planned... its not that i didn't want to blog, i guess that i thought that what i wanted to say wasn't important enough or that no one wanted to read it. i encouraged my friend who is a super writer to start a blog and she asked "who would want to read it?" i said "ME!" and "who cares!?" i honestly didn't even think about who may or may not read my blog when i started it. i guess it was more of a tool for me to cement, to the internet, how God is working in my life. and if someone else reads it, cool. until last month, i thought only 2 people read my blog... then i stumbled upon something that told me how many times it had been read. i was quite surprised. maybe that's why i hesitated to write another one. pressure! pressure to perform! pressure from my fans! =) jk
so i thought the words of max lucado were worth stealing and blogging about:
re: daily devotions w God [paraphrased]
"we are all busy. so rather than spend time with God, listening for his voice, we let others spend time with him and then benefit from their experience. let them tell us what God is saying. isn't that why we pay preachers? isn't that why we read christian books? these folks are good at daily devotions, i'll just learn from them."
i think i had this attitude for a long time. i do love reading. ok! so i'm a little bit of a book hoarder. [someone returned 5 books to me today that i had loaned out a loooooong time ago and had totally forgotten about. and 2 other books returned home to me yesterday, too!] i like books, don't judge me.
anyways, i love learning about what God is telling and teaching other people. i hung out there for many years. but then i got jealous. a good, holy jealous! hey, if God can speak to her/him, he can speak to ME, too! right? and he does! and it is so much better to get the word straight from God then passed down from someone else. something happened inside of me that made me want to hear from my God. after all, I made a personal commitment to allow Jesus into my life... i just hadn't given him access to my heart yet. i remember reading the beatitudes years ago and loving 'blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.' that was me! i wanted to hunger for righteousness! i wanted to be filled! so i literally started asking God to give me a hunger for Him, so that i can be filled! isn't it so weird that all we have to do is ask God for one of his promises and he will fulfill it?! some of the things i pray and ask for are so silly sometimes! of course God is not a genie, and he doesn't grant our every wish, but when i began to pray 'teach me your ways, God,' he did! i prayed for what God wanted in my life... not for what I wanted. but soon, i wanted what God wanted because it was way better than what i wanted in the first place! and now, i only want what God wants for me. i told a friend today that i'm doing what God wants, but its not what I want. and trust me, that's a hard spot to be in! i'm a toddler all over again, kicking and stomping. i'm having to learn to fully surrender what i want, because more than anything else, i truly do want what God wants for me.
"we don't 'hang on the coattails' of other people in other areas of our lives. we don't say, 'vacations are such a hassle, all the packing and traveling. i'll just send someone else of vacation for me. i'll just hear about it when they can back.'"
that cracked me up.
"we don't do it with romance either. we don't say 'i'm in love with a wonderful person, but all that romance is such a hassle. i'll just hire a surrogate lover to enjoy the romance in my place. i'll just hear about it when they're done.'"
i think some people do a fabulous job of keeping God just far enough at bay to avoid transformation. because if you allowed God even get into your head or heart just a little bit, something might change. he might want you to grow! and try new things! and trust him. trust him so he can take you on the ride of your life that you never dreamed or imagined. trusting God with your life, every aspect of your life, is scary. but for me, the thought of standing at the pearly gates and having to hear God say "well this was the life i had in mind for you, but you didn't listen. i tried to get your attention, but you were too busy. or you turned away right when the good stuff was coming. a few times, i thought i had your attention, but you allowed _________ to get in the way." no, no, no... i definately don't want to hear that! i want to grab onto any little piece of what God has for me, probably to a fault. i want to get as close as i can to him here, now, so i don't miss any blessings he has just especially for me. so, i must spend time with him every day. 5 minutes. 1 hour. 32 minutes. i just a piece of Jesus each day to keep me going.
the road is long. the journey is tough. speaking of God's promises... we are promised troubles. i truly believe that God allows trouble to enter our lives, so we will turn to him to seek comfort, refuge and hope. i've known many people that praise God through their troubles, even manage to bless other people when they are experiencing trouble. amazing. was amazed to hear that our pastor's wife was singing to her mom who was in the hospital due to a recent stroke. she sang so beautifully (and loudly) that the folks on the floor above her came down and asked her to sing their dying mother. and without hesitation, she did.
i'm grateful for stories like this that remind me of God's commandment to GO, and share what he has done in your life. i can do that, because i walk with God. God walks with me. not just once a week on sunday morning. not just at christmas and easter. every day.
so, i guess that's why i blog.
look at the miracle God has done... its me!
so i thought the words of max lucado were worth stealing and blogging about:
re: daily devotions w God [paraphrased]
"we are all busy. so rather than spend time with God, listening for his voice, we let others spend time with him and then benefit from their experience. let them tell us what God is saying. isn't that why we pay preachers? isn't that why we read christian books? these folks are good at daily devotions, i'll just learn from them."
i think i had this attitude for a long time. i do love reading. ok! so i'm a little bit of a book hoarder. [someone returned 5 books to me today that i had loaned out a loooooong time ago and had totally forgotten about. and 2 other books returned home to me yesterday, too!] i like books, don't judge me.
anyways, i love learning about what God is telling and teaching other people. i hung out there for many years. but then i got jealous. a good, holy jealous! hey, if God can speak to her/him, he can speak to ME, too! right? and he does! and it is so much better to get the word straight from God then passed down from someone else. something happened inside of me that made me want to hear from my God. after all, I made a personal commitment to allow Jesus into my life... i just hadn't given him access to my heart yet. i remember reading the beatitudes years ago and loving 'blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.' that was me! i wanted to hunger for righteousness! i wanted to be filled! so i literally started asking God to give me a hunger for Him, so that i can be filled! isn't it so weird that all we have to do is ask God for one of his promises and he will fulfill it?! some of the things i pray and ask for are so silly sometimes! of course God is not a genie, and he doesn't grant our every wish, but when i began to pray 'teach me your ways, God,' he did! i prayed for what God wanted in my life... not for what I wanted. but soon, i wanted what God wanted because it was way better than what i wanted in the first place! and now, i only want what God wants for me. i told a friend today that i'm doing what God wants, but its not what I want. and trust me, that's a hard spot to be in! i'm a toddler all over again, kicking and stomping. i'm having to learn to fully surrender what i want, because more than anything else, i truly do want what God wants for me.
"we don't 'hang on the coattails' of other people in other areas of our lives. we don't say, 'vacations are such a hassle, all the packing and traveling. i'll just send someone else of vacation for me. i'll just hear about it when they can back.'"
that cracked me up.
"we don't do it with romance either. we don't say 'i'm in love with a wonderful person, but all that romance is such a hassle. i'll just hire a surrogate lover to enjoy the romance in my place. i'll just hear about it when they're done.'"
i think some people do a fabulous job of keeping God just far enough at bay to avoid transformation. because if you allowed God even get into your head or heart just a little bit, something might change. he might want you to grow! and try new things! and trust him. trust him so he can take you on the ride of your life that you never dreamed or imagined. trusting God with your life, every aspect of your life, is scary. but for me, the thought of standing at the pearly gates and having to hear God say "well this was the life i had in mind for you, but you didn't listen. i tried to get your attention, but you were too busy. or you turned away right when the good stuff was coming. a few times, i thought i had your attention, but you allowed _________ to get in the way." no, no, no... i definately don't want to hear that! i want to grab onto any little piece of what God has for me, probably to a fault. i want to get as close as i can to him here, now, so i don't miss any blessings he has just especially for me. so, i must spend time with him every day. 5 minutes. 1 hour. 32 minutes. i just a piece of Jesus each day to keep me going.
the road is long. the journey is tough. speaking of God's promises... we are promised troubles. i truly believe that God allows trouble to enter our lives, so we will turn to him to seek comfort, refuge and hope. i've known many people that praise God through their troubles, even manage to bless other people when they are experiencing trouble. amazing. was amazed to hear that our pastor's wife was singing to her mom who was in the hospital due to a recent stroke. she sang so beautifully (and loudly) that the folks on the floor above her came down and asked her to sing their dying mother. and without hesitation, she did.
i'm grateful for stories like this that remind me of God's commandment to GO, and share what he has done in your life. i can do that, because i walk with God. God walks with me. not just once a week on sunday morning. not just at christmas and easter. every day.
so, i guess that's why i blog.
look at the miracle God has done... its me!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
blog
blog. that word reminds me of b-l-y-t-h-e. (hehe, rth)
anywho! hello blog followers! all 3 of you! its great to be back in blog-land.
so when i started this blog, i wasn't very educated about blogs. i have now been enlightened by julie hayslip (facebook her, she's a wonderful human being) and i will begin to actually add structure to my blog. imagine that, me & structure, a happily married couple! ha!
so, i will start to label blog postings with [likely] one of the following topic headings: Jesus, HandPrints, PAL Mission, Life!, Adoption and Missions. these are areas of my life that i'm most passionate about and i feel i can blog on at least one of these topics, once per week. (phew, that's quite a commitment seeing as my current frequency is quarterly, at best) indeed there are other things i'm passionate about, but the aforementioned topic headings seem to have developed as long-term passions in my life, as opposed to passion-trends that i pick up and put back down. my current passion-trend is encouraging 20 and 30 - something women. we'll see what God chooses to do with that. perhaps it will emerge as a long-term passion. all this talk about passion makes me want a grande sweetened iced passion tea from starbux...
some basic info about my NEW topic headings:
Jesus: here it is, i'm gonna go all CMA on ya [www.cmalliance.org]... He's my savior, sanctifier, healer and coming king. my cat is snoring beside me as i type. she's not exactly tactful. so back to Jesus... now my cat is licking her... ugh. told you she's not tactful. attention span of a gnat - back to the blog! though the "savior...etc." is my denomination's 'tag line' or whatever, at some point i had to examine each title given to Jesus and see what they mean to me. over time i have learned to begin to embrace these names given to Jesus in my own life. i should stop now because each title could be a future blog post in and of itself. i will mention that sanctification is one of my favorite christian concepts.
may i focus for a moment on two key phrases i just typed: over time and begin to. my relationship w Jesus is just that, a relationship. it has ups and downs, ebs and flows, good and bad times, communication issues, jealousy, anger, emotions, love, patience, grace and forgiveness. over time my relationship w Jesus has grown and developed. i don't think i can speak of my relationship w JC without bringing the word commitment to the forefront. the word is essential for any relationship that we actually give a hoot about - especially a relationship w Jesus, whom we can't see or text.
may i focus for a moment on two key phrases i just typed: over time and begin to. my relationship w Jesus is just that, a relationship. it has ups and downs, ebs and flows, good and bad times, communication issues, jealousy, anger, emotions, love, patience, grace and forgiveness. over time my relationship w Jesus has grown and developed. i don't think i can speak of my relationship w JC without bringing the word commitment to the forefront. the word is essential for any relationship that we actually give a hoot about - especially a relationship w Jesus, whom we can't see or text.
HandPrints: is a sign language choir made up of adults with various [dis]abilities. so my buddy roxanne and i started this group about 2.5 years ago and i'm not gonna lie, i straight up love them! i think i did an earlier post on them, so read that for more info. HandPrints also has a facebook page. be our friend!
PAL Mission: is my current place of employment, but oh, so much more than that. i quit my job at DD about 6 months ago to follow God's clear calling to work at PAL. http://www.palmission.org/ and PAL also has a fb page. right now, my job is to work with 18 - 25 year olds that are certifiably homeless, no permanent address or place to call 'home.' from where i'm sitting in my house i glance up and see the words "home sweet home" stenciled on my wall. this job is humbling, frustrating, hilarious, unpredictable and totally rad all at the same time! now that i've been there a few months, i feel like i've gotten my feet wet a little and i'm starting to see why God has me there. cliff hanger!
Life!: not the youth group event... this section will likely be filled with just random stuff i see, hear or do. for example, i l o v e the fact that i know my pets love me. perhaps if you don't have pets, you'll think i'm a bit coo coo... but i was outside raking leaves yesterday in the front yard, about 10 feet from my front door. i turned around to see my 2 pets, that don't get along, both sitting at the front door, staring out at me raking leaves. it was hilarious!
sorry about the reflection. its a little tough to see my cat because of the glare. they indeed are the cuter 2/3 of the yates family.
Adoption: i feel called to adopt a baby some day. please pray for me about this. lots of issues surrounding adoption. more info to come on this topic so near to my heart.
Missions: we are all called to be missionaries. perhaps not to uganda or russia. i think all he wants us to do is start by sharing your story. the story of life He's given you. if you can't come up with something to share, perhaps your story sucks and you need to spend a little more time with Jesus. Julie Hayslip is saying "hell ya!" right about now... anyways... so missions is apart of my every day life. you'll read much about how Jesus speaks into my life, and i'll let you specifically make the connection of how it relates to living a missional lifestyle. a brief but proud moment happened recently. my older brother, yes, i have an older brother, sent me a message that said his daughter, my niece, recently got a new bike, in addition to the one she already had. soon after my family learned of a family in need and my niece suggested they help the poor people like aunt sara does. she wanted to give away the new barbie bike.pass your faith on to the next generation.
i'll be back next week. and i'll be praying for you in the meantime!
10-4
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Emmanuel, God With Us
amidst all the great fun that summer brings, the reality of the struggles of life are unavoidable at times. a reality that i've both observed and experienced over the past few weeks is that people are hurting. deep down, people are hurting. relationships are drowning, not growing. hearts are easily pulled away from one another. even we christians forget that we belong to The Almighty God. what is wrong with us? why do we so easily get distracted? how did the stupid little details of life creep in and turn our eyes away from Jesus?
God carried me through the last few weeks when i felt He was distant. it takes me feeling lonely, dumb, frustrated, hurt and at a loss for the next step before i purposefully get myself away from the mundane crap of life and, this time, take my butt to starbux for 15 minutes. that's all He needed - was for me to show up and give up - so He could pick me up. i popped open a book i bought a few weeks ago. not gonna deny it, i was a little hesitant to pick it up. after feeling desperate and lost, i opened the book and started reading. His love came pouring out. it wasn't long before i realized He'd been carrying me. it wasn't long before my heart softened again... which of course means tears to follow. later that night i heard chris tomlin's song unfailing love. ok, i've heard this song 1,000 times, but this time, i listened.
i'm typically not a fan of copying/pasting lyrics, but read these words. can you sing them with an honest heart? do you believe them? can you trust them? i pray you find comfort in their truth during your time of need.
you have my heart
and i am yours forever
you are my strength
God of grace and power
and everything you hold in your hand
still you make time for me
i can't understand
praise you God of earth and sky
how beautiful is your unfailing love
unfailing love
and you never change God you remain
the Holy One
my unfailing love
unfailing love
you are my rock
the one i hold on to
you are my song
and sing for you
and everything you hold in your hand
still you make time for me
i can't understand
praise you God of earth and sky
how beautiful is your unfailing love
unfailing love
and you never change God you remain
the Holy One
my unfailing love
unfailing love
i was humbled by not only the reminder of His unfailing love, but the reminder of how stinkin selfish i can be. i'm worried about this or that and i'm not getting this or that and s/he's not treating me blah, blah, blah. stop. turn your eyes upon Jesus, yates! He's been standing with you the whole time. sometimes i beat myself up for not being able to do the right thing 100% of the time, or not being able to pull myself together or not being able to act the way i want to or be as nice as i know i can be. why? because i'm trying too hard. i made myself a note while on a mission trip last year: "you don't 'got this one.'" i often think i can handle what seems like even the easiest situations on my own. nope. but i don't have to. Jesus is there to guide and help. when i remember simply and ever so slightly to turn my eyes upon Jesus, i'm melted by his grace. my heart is immediately transformed and doing the right thing, being the right me and feeling confident in the woman of God that i am just comes [super]naturally.
i think for many years i got stuck there. i think many christians do... get stuck. they believe the story of Jesus. they go to church. even bought a christian cd or two. pray for sick people, etc. but their hearts are never transformed. what's it going to take? He's standing right there. He's been trying to get your attention. what's getting in your way? you? your sin? pride? life? you want to be a person that's close to God? genuinely loves God with all your heart? you want to be a Godly leader? who is it that God is calling you to be? oh, you're not equipped for the job? probably not. now He's got you right where He wants you, turning to Him, depending on Him...
every
step
of
the
way.
layna made me sing 'leaning on the everlasting arms' to her in church today. ha.
ok, You got my attention.
God carried me through the last few weeks when i felt He was distant. it takes me feeling lonely, dumb, frustrated, hurt and at a loss for the next step before i purposefully get myself away from the mundane crap of life and, this time, take my butt to starbux for 15 minutes. that's all He needed - was for me to show up and give up - so He could pick me up. i popped open a book i bought a few weeks ago. not gonna deny it, i was a little hesitant to pick it up. after feeling desperate and lost, i opened the book and started reading. His love came pouring out. it wasn't long before i realized He'd been carrying me. it wasn't long before my heart softened again... which of course means tears to follow. later that night i heard chris tomlin's song unfailing love. ok, i've heard this song 1,000 times, but this time, i listened.
i'm typically not a fan of copying/pasting lyrics, but read these words. can you sing them with an honest heart? do you believe them? can you trust them? i pray you find comfort in their truth during your time of need.
you have my heart
and i am yours forever
you are my strength
God of grace and power
and everything you hold in your hand
still you make time for me
i can't understand
praise you God of earth and sky
how beautiful is your unfailing love
unfailing love
and you never change God you remain
the Holy One
my unfailing love
unfailing love
you are my rock
the one i hold on to
you are my song
and sing for you
and everything you hold in your hand
still you make time for me
i can't understand
praise you God of earth and sky
how beautiful is your unfailing love
unfailing love
and you never change God you remain
the Holy One
my unfailing love
unfailing love
i was humbled by not only the reminder of His unfailing love, but the reminder of how stinkin selfish i can be. i'm worried about this or that and i'm not getting this or that and s/he's not treating me blah, blah, blah. stop. turn your eyes upon Jesus, yates! He's been standing with you the whole time. sometimes i beat myself up for not being able to do the right thing 100% of the time, or not being able to pull myself together or not being able to act the way i want to or be as nice as i know i can be. why? because i'm trying too hard. i made myself a note while on a mission trip last year: "you don't 'got this one.'" i often think i can handle what seems like even the easiest situations on my own. nope. but i don't have to. Jesus is there to guide and help. when i remember simply and ever so slightly to turn my eyes upon Jesus, i'm melted by his grace. my heart is immediately transformed and doing the right thing, being the right me and feeling confident in the woman of God that i am just comes [super]naturally.
i think for many years i got stuck there. i think many christians do... get stuck. they believe the story of Jesus. they go to church. even bought a christian cd or two. pray for sick people, etc. but their hearts are never transformed. what's it going to take? He's standing right there. He's been trying to get your attention. what's getting in your way? you? your sin? pride? life? you want to be a person that's close to God? genuinely loves God with all your heart? you want to be a Godly leader? who is it that God is calling you to be? oh, you're not equipped for the job? probably not. now He's got you right where He wants you, turning to Him, depending on Him...
every
step
of
the
way.
layna made me sing 'leaning on the everlasting arms' to her in church today. ha.
ok, You got my attention.
Monday, May 31, 2010
ok God, ok!
ok, so God has been calling me to blog for a while now... ~~does He really do that? He's so high-tech. i wonder if blogging existed in Paul and Timothy's day, if He would call them to blog, too.~~ i digress....
so, now that i've repented, i'll get on with the blog. lonette is going to AMEN this one.
isn't it amazing how God just swoops in when we need Him the most?! He just loves us so much!! sometimes, probably most of the time, we don't even know He's swooping in!! i've been smacked in the face with this reality several times this past week. of course, He's with us always, but after i was literally caught off guard and immediately brought to tears with God showing me something this week, i then had to ponder, how many other times in my life can i recognize the swooping in at potentially disastrous times.
i'll start with the occurrence that caught me off guard. well first, divorce sucks. i could do another whole blog on that but i won't. so i must have been praying about something relating to divorce... when God reminded me that both my mom and i came to know Him after my parents got divorced. ~~when i do this ~~ it means what i'm thinking in my head~~ ~~ok God, i guess that's good, that we found you, after the divorce. so 1 good thing came from a divorce. what else you got?~~ that's when the smack came. before i could become a complete disaster of a human being, God swooped in at age 12 and called me to be His. up until this smackdown, i have openly claimed my testimony to be a boring one. i had no idea what i was getting myself into when i said yes to God at some church, during some youth group service, with a friend i haven't seen or known for nearly 10 years... my heart was tugged and i responded with yes. that's it. i was "saved." whatever that meant. just 2 years prior to this "saving" event is when my dad left. shortly after, my grandpa left my grandma after 42 years of marriage. no other men were stepping up in my life to be a leader. God swooped in. this hit me huge. He knew the timing was crucial. had He waited a few years, who knows what sort of mess i would have made of myself. how many years prior was he tugging and i didn't see, didn't hear or chose to turn my head? i mean, even though i now claimed God at age 12, i still fumbled through the next 10 years of life trying to figure out exactly what that meant... to be wanted and loved and dare i say it, used by God, the God of the universe. even now, how often are we tugged? how often do we listen? are we in fellowship with God?
a few weeks ago i had to read a brief description of the crucifixion in a book for class. we've heard it 1,000 times. i then had to reflect on it for a journal that was due. woah... God slowed me down and honed me in on the fact that Jesus never broke fellowship with His Father. He constantly got away to be alone with Him. He prayed often and was never outside of God's will. so the crucifixion... cross... died... took on all our sins... willingly went to hell for 3 days... was separated from God... receiving the wrath of His father... now wait a minute. think of the person you love to be around the most. your adorable bubbly child? your strong and loving spouse? your favorite sweet old grandma? Jesus would have picked his father, with whom He NEVER broke fellowship with while he was here on earth, and then He was s e p a r a t e d from Him for 3 days while He endured hell. alone. a p a r t from God. i praise God that after 15 years of following God, He's continuously tugged on my heart to the point that i, too, don't want to go 3 days without my Father. when it happens... it has happened and it will happen again (i'm not unrealistic here people), i get a little cranky, the people around me sense my crankiness, I begin to not like myself very much... its just all bad. you been feelin cranky lately? not feelin real great about yourself? feelin tugged?
i had a conversation with a friend recently who in trusting honesty shared that they've only been applying them self to life at about 30%, maybe 60% at the max. this person knows of their potential, of which this person (i feel) operates more around 90%, but within their heart, they know there is more. shortly after i was of course praying for this person, as i often do, and recalled the verse in 1 thessalonians 5:19 that says: "do not put out the spirit's fire." another translation: "do not quench the spirit." and one more [of course the message likes to expand a bit]: don't suppress the spirit, and don't stifle those who have a word from the Master. on the other hand, don't be gullible. check out everything, and keep only what's good. throw out anything tainted with evil." when i read this verse several weeks ago now in Francis Chan's Forgotten God i had to stop. oh crap. me. guilty. stifler. suppresser. quencher. i had be done with that stuff. now that God brought me that verse i don't have the excuse of not knowing, not being aware that i'm a quencer!! but oh... oh, oh oh... God is Good! to the tune of big punisher... i don't wanna be a quencer no more... =) because...
where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom
bring the sprit of the Lord into your family, your workplace, your marriage, your parenting.
be free.
so, now that i've repented, i'll get on with the blog. lonette is going to AMEN this one.
isn't it amazing how God just swoops in when we need Him the most?! He just loves us so much!! sometimes, probably most of the time, we don't even know He's swooping in!! i've been smacked in the face with this reality several times this past week. of course, He's with us always, but after i was literally caught off guard and immediately brought to tears with God showing me something this week, i then had to ponder, how many other times in my life can i recognize the swooping in at potentially disastrous times.
i'll start with the occurrence that caught me off guard. well first, divorce sucks. i could do another whole blog on that but i won't. so i must have been praying about something relating to divorce... when God reminded me that both my mom and i came to know Him after my parents got divorced. ~~when i do this ~~ it means what i'm thinking in my head~~ ~~ok God, i guess that's good, that we found you, after the divorce. so 1 good thing came from a divorce. what else you got?~~ that's when the smack came. before i could become a complete disaster of a human being, God swooped in at age 12 and called me to be His. up until this smackdown, i have openly claimed my testimony to be a boring one. i had no idea what i was getting myself into when i said yes to God at some church, during some youth group service, with a friend i haven't seen or known for nearly 10 years... my heart was tugged and i responded with yes. that's it. i was "saved." whatever that meant. just 2 years prior to this "saving" event is when my dad left. shortly after, my grandpa left my grandma after 42 years of marriage. no other men were stepping up in my life to be a leader. God swooped in. this hit me huge. He knew the timing was crucial. had He waited a few years, who knows what sort of mess i would have made of myself. how many years prior was he tugging and i didn't see, didn't hear or chose to turn my head? i mean, even though i now claimed God at age 12, i still fumbled through the next 10 years of life trying to figure out exactly what that meant... to be wanted and loved and dare i say it, used by God, the God of the universe. even now, how often are we tugged? how often do we listen? are we in fellowship with God?
a few weeks ago i had to read a brief description of the crucifixion in a book for class. we've heard it 1,000 times. i then had to reflect on it for a journal that was due. woah... God slowed me down and honed me in on the fact that Jesus never broke fellowship with His Father. He constantly got away to be alone with Him. He prayed often and was never outside of God's will. so the crucifixion... cross... died... took on all our sins... willingly went to hell for 3 days... was separated from God... receiving the wrath of His father... now wait a minute. think of the person you love to be around the most. your adorable bubbly child? your strong and loving spouse? your favorite sweet old grandma? Jesus would have picked his father, with whom He NEVER broke fellowship with while he was here on earth, and then He was s e p a r a t e d from Him for 3 days while He endured hell. alone. a p a r t from God. i praise God that after 15 years of following God, He's continuously tugged on my heart to the point that i, too, don't want to go 3 days without my Father. when it happens... it has happened and it will happen again (i'm not unrealistic here people), i get a little cranky, the people around me sense my crankiness, I begin to not like myself very much... its just all bad. you been feelin cranky lately? not feelin real great about yourself? feelin tugged?
i had a conversation with a friend recently who in trusting honesty shared that they've only been applying them self to life at about 30%, maybe 60% at the max. this person knows of their potential, of which this person (i feel) operates more around 90%, but within their heart, they know there is more. shortly after i was of course praying for this person, as i often do, and recalled the verse in 1 thessalonians 5:19 that says: "do not put out the spirit's fire." another translation: "do not quench the spirit." and one more [of course the message likes to expand a bit]: don't suppress the spirit, and don't stifle those who have a word from the Master. on the other hand, don't be gullible. check out everything, and keep only what's good. throw out anything tainted with evil." when i read this verse several weeks ago now in Francis Chan's Forgotten God i had to stop. oh crap. me. guilty. stifler. suppresser. quencher. i had be done with that stuff. now that God brought me that verse i don't have the excuse of not knowing, not being aware that i'm a quencer!! but oh... oh, oh oh... God is Good! to the tune of big punisher... i don't wanna be a quencer no more... =) because...
where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom
bring the sprit of the Lord into your family, your workplace, your marriage, your parenting.
be free.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Victory in Jesus!
sing it with me! (you know you want to!)
ok, almost DAILY over the past 2 weeks God and I have celebrated hidden victories of my heart. (more details on that later)
through much prayer, i experienced a victory today that i'm choosing to make PUBLIC!! =)
over 2 weeks ago i was issued a traffic ticket for "running" a red light. the date was 2/9 and the weather was horrible. i chose to coast through the yellow/orange/red light instead of slamming on my brakes. to my surprise the police officer issued me a ticket! $125!!!! one-hundred AND twenty-five dollars!!!
1 week later, i plead not guilty and was scheduled for a pre-trial hearing. it was at this arraignment that i learned that court costs are $138. one-hundred and thirty-eight dollars!!! so if i lose, i end up paying more than double what i would have paid if i would have just paid the ticket!! eeek!
i began praying and gathering data and information on the weather conditions of the day. many canton area activities were cancelled that evening b.c of the snow. almost the whole county was shut down the next day b.c of snow. i gathered all this info. finally i wrote a letter to the judge explaining the situation, asking the charge to be dropped and to be freed of any court costs.
THIS MORNING i went to court prepared for battle! i met w the prosecutor and explained what happened. she said she would recommend the ticket be dismissed, but couldn't make any promises about the court costs.
i went before the judge. he read my letter. smiled at me. read more of the letter. smiled at me again. asked me where i worked. i responded. he told me i wrote well. i said thank you your honor. he said, this charge is dismissed, have a good day. i looked at the clerk and whispered "what do i do now" she said "you can leave." =)
i didn't have to pay for anything!! AND the ticket was dismissed without prejudice!
i, of course, cried in awe and adoration of my KING! you see, God taught me about the opportunity i have to tithe a few years ago. (thank you pastor taylor for our small group lessons) i typically have about $5o or less in my checking account after first tithing and second paying bills (and third buying myself a coach purse 1/2 off for valentine's day). last month, i figured out that i was somehow a month ahead on my mortage so i was able to skip a payment, leaving me with an extra $500. i was prepared and had enough money to cover the cost of the ticket and fines if i needed to. instead, i was able to leave the sweet, friendly waitress at lunch today a big fat tip, pay for my friend's meal and make a love offereing to a new favorite ministry i recently learned about! palmission.org check it out! pal mission is also on facebook!
we no longer fight FOR victory, but FROM victory! thank you Jesus!
ok, almost DAILY over the past 2 weeks God and I have celebrated hidden victories of my heart. (more details on that later)
through much prayer, i experienced a victory today that i'm choosing to make PUBLIC!! =)
over 2 weeks ago i was issued a traffic ticket for "running" a red light. the date was 2/9 and the weather was horrible. i chose to coast through the yellow/orange/red light instead of slamming on my brakes. to my surprise the police officer issued me a ticket! $125!!!! one-hundred AND twenty-five dollars!!!
1 week later, i plead not guilty and was scheduled for a pre-trial hearing. it was at this arraignment that i learned that court costs are $138. one-hundred and thirty-eight dollars!!! so if i lose, i end up paying more than double what i would have paid if i would have just paid the ticket!! eeek!
i began praying and gathering data and information on the weather conditions of the day. many canton area activities were cancelled that evening b.c of the snow. almost the whole county was shut down the next day b.c of snow. i gathered all this info. finally i wrote a letter to the judge explaining the situation, asking the charge to be dropped and to be freed of any court costs.
THIS MORNING i went to court prepared for battle! i met w the prosecutor and explained what happened. she said she would recommend the ticket be dismissed, but couldn't make any promises about the court costs.
i went before the judge. he read my letter. smiled at me. read more of the letter. smiled at me again. asked me where i worked. i responded. he told me i wrote well. i said thank you your honor. he said, this charge is dismissed, have a good day. i looked at the clerk and whispered "what do i do now" she said "you can leave." =)
i didn't have to pay for anything!! AND the ticket was dismissed without prejudice!
i, of course, cried in awe and adoration of my KING! you see, God taught me about the opportunity i have to tithe a few years ago. (thank you pastor taylor for our small group lessons) i typically have about $5o or less in my checking account after first tithing and second paying bills (and third buying myself a coach purse 1/2 off for valentine's day). last month, i figured out that i was somehow a month ahead on my mortage so i was able to skip a payment, leaving me with an extra $500. i was prepared and had enough money to cover the cost of the ticket and fines if i needed to. instead, i was able to leave the sweet, friendly waitress at lunch today a big fat tip, pay for my friend's meal and make a love offereing to a new favorite ministry i recently learned about! palmission.org check it out! pal mission is also on facebook!
we no longer fight FOR victory, but FROM victory! thank you Jesus!
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